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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Funny
Fifteen
Live
Witty
Years
Exercise
Spend
Marriage
Bran
Longer
Dieting
Lasts
Toilet
Last
Toilets

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I was a high school throw-out.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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