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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Years
Exercise
Spend
Marriage
Bran
Longer
Dieting
Lasts
Toilet
Last
Toilets
Funny
Fifteen
Live
Witty

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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
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