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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Years
Exercise
Spend
Marriage
Bran
Longer
Dieting
Lasts
Toilet
Last
Toilets
Funny
Fifteen
Live
Witty

More quotes by Alan King

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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
Alan King