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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
Alan King
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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
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People
More quotes by Alan King
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
Alan King
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
Alan King
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
Alan King
One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
Alan King
There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
Alan King
I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
Alan King
Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
Alan King
Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
Alan King
I was a high school throw-out.
Alan King
Modesty is not one of my virtues.
Alan King
My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
Alan King
I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
Alan King
There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
Alan King
Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
Alan King
As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
Alan King
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
Alan King
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
Alan King
Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
Alan King
The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
Alan King
The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
Alan King