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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Littles
Little
Trying
Life
World
Dictators
Dictator
Full
Running

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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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