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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
World
Dictators
Dictator
Full
Running
Littles
Little
Trying
Life

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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.
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