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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
World
Dictators
Dictator
Full
Running
Littles
Little
Trying
Life

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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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