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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
Alan King
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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Stories
Never
Son
Says
Anyone
Living
Tell
More quotes by Alan King
The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
Alan King
I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
Alan King
I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
Alan King
That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
Alan King
The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
Alan King
My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
Alan King
I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
Alan King
When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
Alan King
I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
Alan King
My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
Alan King
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
Alan King
As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
Alan King
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
Alan King
If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
Alan King
I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.
Alan King
As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
Alan King
Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
Alan King
One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
Alan King
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
Alan King
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
Alan King