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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Stories
Never
Son
Says
Anyone
Living
Tell

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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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