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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Brother
Wouldn
Youngest
College
Surgeons
Physicians
Nails
Member
Members
Cutting

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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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