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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
College
Surgeons
Physicians
Nails
Member
Members
Cutting
Brother
Wouldn
Youngest

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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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