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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Physicians
Nails
Member
Members
Cutting
Brother
Wouldn
Youngest
College
Surgeons

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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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