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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Difficult
Without
Enough
Offend
Going
Worrying
Worry
Face
Faces
Funny

More quotes by Alan King

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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
Alan King
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
Alan King
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Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
Alan King
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
Alan King
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
Alan King
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
Alan King
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
Alan King
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
Alan King