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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Enough
Offend
Going
Worrying
Worry
Face
Faces
Funny
Difficult
Without

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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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