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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Going
Worrying
Worry
Face
Faces
Funny
Difficult
Without
Enough
Offend

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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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