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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Comeback
Allowed
Easy
Father

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Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
Alan King