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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Comeback
Allowed
Easy
Father

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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
Alan King
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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