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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Armor
Suits
Place

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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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