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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Hall
Halls
Practice
Didn
Made
Carnegie

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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
Alan King
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
Alan King