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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Hours
Mother
Didn
Everything
Sank
Made
Fluffy
Cook
Cooks
Balls

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Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
Alan King
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
Alan King