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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Humor
Fun
Somebody
Even
Make
Always
Weapon
Attack
Weapons

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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
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If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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