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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Fun
Somebody
Even
Make
Always
Weapon
Attack
Weapons
Humor

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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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