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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
Alan King
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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Every
Summary
Holiday
Jewish
Tried
Kill
More quotes by Alan King
One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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