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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Jewish
Tried
Kill
Every
Summary
Holiday

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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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