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If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Read
Inspirational
Two
Book
Love
Cynical
Separate
Marriage
Books

More quotes by Alan King

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Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
Alan King
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
Alan King
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
Alan King
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
Alan King
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
Alan King
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I always plan dinner first thing in the morning. That's the only way I can get through the day, having a specific meal to look forward to at night.
Alan King
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
Alan King
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
Alan King
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
Alan King
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
Alan King
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
Alan King
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
Alan King
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
Alan King
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
Alan King
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
Alan King
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
Alan King
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
Alan King
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
Alan King
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
Alan King
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
Alan King