Quote

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Chain
Friend
Pens
Funny
Ties
Come
Witty
Friendly
Chains
Banker
Bankers
Image
Banks
Marriage

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I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.
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I just never saw my mother in any other room but the kitchen. There were always pots going.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
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When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.
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That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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Modesty is not one of my virtues.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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