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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Keeping
Stranger
Marriage
Fighting
Nature
Way
Strangers

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When I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.
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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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I was a high school throw-out.
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
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Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.
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The ability to absorb a book and make someone else's words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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Eating takes a special talent. Some people are much better at it than others. In that way, it is like sex, and as with sex, it's more fun with someone who really likes it. I can't imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
Alan King
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
Alan King
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.
Alan King