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Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

Alan King

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Alan King
Age: 76 †
Born: 1927
Born: December 26
Died: 2004
Died: May 9
Actor
Film Actor
Film Producer
Stage Actor
Writer
Brooklyn
New York
Way
Strangers
Keeping
Stranger
Marriage
Fighting
Nature

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The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have? I said, Fire and theft. The lawyer frowned. Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft.
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As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
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There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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My father was a dreamer - my hero. He was a smart, tough guy from Poland, a cutter of lady's handbags, an old socialist-unionist who always considered himself a failure. His big line was: 'Don't end up like me.'
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One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
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Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
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I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
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Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing. We set no styles, no standards. We're reflections. It's a distorted mirror in the fun house. We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.
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My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.
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There's a charm, there's a rhythm, there's a soul to Jewish humor. When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, 'You're doing a Jewish act.'
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I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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As a parent, I'd - I'd be a better father.
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