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The nearest my parents came to alcohol was at Holy Communion and they utterly overestimated its effects. However bad the weather, Dad never drove to church because Mam thought the sacrament might make him incapable on the return journey.

Alan Bennett

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Alan Bennett
Age: 90
Born: 1934
Born: May 9
Actor
Comedian
Diarist
Film Director
Playwright
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Writer
Parent
Weather
Sacrament
Came
Dad
Nearest
Church
However
Drove
Thought
Effects
Sacraments
Might
Journey
Communion
Make
Return
Utterly
Never
Parents
Incapable
Holy
Alcohol
Overestimated

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There is no such thing as a good script, onlya good film, and I'm conscious that my scripts often read better than they play.
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Schweitzer in the Congo did not derive more moral credit than Larkin did for living in Hull.
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Authors, she soon decided, were probably best met within the pages of their novels, and were as much creatures of the reader's imagination as the characters in their books. Nor did they seem to think one had done them a kindness by reading their writings. Rather they had done one the kindness by writing them.
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Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.
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One of the hardest things for boys to learn is that a teacher is human. One of the hardest things for a teacher to learn is not to try and tell them.
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I have never understood disliking for war. It panders to instincts already catered for within the scope of any respectable domestic establishment.
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My films are about embarrassment.
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No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
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... Once I start a book I finish it. That was the way one was brought up. Books, bread and butter, mashed potato - one finishes what's on one's plate. That's always been my philosophy.
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Kafka could never have written as he did had he lived in a house. His writing is that of someone whose whole life was spent in apartments, with lifts, stairwells, muffled voices behind closed doors, and sounds through walls. Put him in a nice detached villa and he'd never have written a word.
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But most men regard their life as a poem that women threaten. They may not have two spondees to rub together but they still want to pen their saga untrammelled by life-threatening activities like trailing round Sainsbury's, emptying the dishwasher or going to the nativity play.
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There are more microbes per person than the entire population of the world. Imagine that. Per person. This means that if the time scale is diminished in proportion to that of space it would be quite possible for the whole story of Greece and Rome to be played out between farts.
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Above literature?' said the Queen. 'Who is above literature? You might as well say one was above humanity.
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I'm not good at precise, coherent argument. But plays are suited to incoherent argument, put into the mouths of fallible people.
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The appeal of reading, she thought, lay in its indifference: there was something undeferring about literature. Books did not care who was reading them or whether one read them or not. All readers were equal, herself included. Literature, she thought, is a commonwealth letters a republic.
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Clichés can be quite fun. That's how they got to be clichés.
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