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Nature played a cruel trick on her by giving her a waxed mustache.

Alan Bennett

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Alan Bennett
Age: 90
Born: 1934
Born: May 9
Actor
Comedian
Diarist
Film Director
Playwright
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Writer
Waxed
Giving
Mustache
Sarcastic
Trick
Cruel
Tricks
Played
Nature

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Cancer, like any other illness, is a bore.
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We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.
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If you find yourself born in Barnsley and then set your sights on being Virginia Woolf it is not going to be roses all the way.
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God doesn't do notes, either. Did Jesus Christ say, Can I be excused the Crucifixion? No!
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It's subjunctive history. You know, the subjunctive? The mood used when something may or may not have happened. When it is imagined.
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If, for instance, we'd made the film after the show had been to Broadway, it would have been exactly the same film but we would have been assured that they would have understood it. We didn't have to do any alterations for Broadway. I was supposed to go a fortnight before it opened to alter anything that was necessary and there was nothing really.
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I don't talk very well. With writing, you've time to get it right. Also I've found the more I talk the less I write, and if I didn't write no one would want me to talk anyway.
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Mark my words, when a society has to resort to the lavatory for its humour, the writing is on the wall.
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I've never seen the point of the sea, except where it meets the land. The shore has a point. The sea has none.
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The appeal of reading, she thought, lay in its indifference: there was something undeferring about literature. Books did not care who was reading them or whether one read them or not. All readers were equal, herself included. Literature, she thought, is a commonwealth letters a republic.
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Above literature?' said the Queen. 'Who is above literature? You might as well say one was above humanity.
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Life is generally something that happens elsewhere.
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Life is like a box of sardines and we are all looking for the key.
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Standards are always out of date. That's what makes them standards.
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What she was finding also was how one book led to another, doors kept opening wherever she turned and the days weren't long enough for the reading she wanted to do.
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I lack what the English call character, by which they mean the power to refrain.
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I've never seen the point of the sea, except where it meets the land. The shore has a point. The sea has none.
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There is no such thing as a good script, onlya good film, and I'm conscious that my scripts often read better than they play.
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If you think squash is a competitive activity, try flower arranging.
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I saw someone peeing in Jermym Street the other day. I thought, is this the end of civilization as we know it? Or is it simply someone peeing in Jermyn Street?
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