Well, once I fried tofu and put Sriracha on it. After that I was so depressed I swore off preparing food for myself altogether.

You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor's suit, because I'd be riding the streetcar to school everyday - minding my own business, humming out a 'Frere Jacques' - and I realized that in any other town, this might be considered cute. But you know what it is in San Francisco? Sexy.

I'm always alone. Sad face emoticon.

I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.

Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it's also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there's a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It's like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.

The horrible truth is that I am lazy and I am going to write and do bits that just hand themselves to me.

My primary responsibility is to be funny.

Im so sick of people treating Latinos like some homogenous group that all feel the same way about everything.

Stop throwing us all together like some sort of Puerto Ricaminican Tex-Mex buffet.