The horrible truth is that I am lazy and I am going to write and do bits that just hand themselves to me.

Stop throwing us all together like some sort of Puerto Ricaminican Tex-Mex buffet.

I'm always alone. Sad face emoticon.

My primary responsibility is to be funny.

Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. I love to take the wife and kids, but it's also near a sketchy neighborhood. So there's a lot of gang members that hang out at the waterfall. It's like somebody took an Ansel Adams photo and then put a Cypress Hill video inside it.

I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.

You grow up real quick, a half-Mexican in a sailor's suit, because I'd be riding the streetcar to school everyday - minding my own business, humming out a 'Frere Jacques' - and I realized that in any other town, this might be considered cute. But you know what it is in San Francisco? Sexy.

Well, once I fried tofu and put Sriracha on it. After that I was so depressed I swore off preparing food for myself altogether.

Im so sick of people treating Latinos like some homogenous group that all feel the same way about everything.