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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written Today I will masterbate--if I want to!

Al Franken

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Al Franken
Age: 73
Born: 1951
Born: May 21
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Politician
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
United States Senator
Manhattan borough
New York City
Alan Stuart Franken
Alan Stuart Al Franken
Today
Okay
Mistake
Written

More quotes by Al Franken

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Net neutrality isn't a government takeover of the Internet, as many of my Republican colleagues have alleged.
Al Franken
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Well, I think that there's a value to comedy in and of itself.
Al Franken
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I believe in not attacking a country pre-emptively unless you're sure of what you're doing and you're working with allies.
Al Franken
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I'm for Israel's right to exist.
Al Franken
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I've spent my entire career being a satirist.
Al Franken
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Our laws need to reflect the evolution of technology and the changing expectations of American society. This is why the Constitution is often called a “living” document.
Al Franken
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If you want a free email service that doesn’t use your words to target ads to you, you’ll have to figure out how to port years and years of Gmail messages somewhere else, which is about as easy as developing your own free email service.
Al Franken
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If you control the flow of information, you can control the conversation around important issues. If you can control the conversation, you can change this country.
Al Franken
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Grown-up love means actually understanding what you love, taking the good with the bad and helping your loved one grow. Love takes attention and work and is the best thing in the world.
Al Franken
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Being a comedian, you're under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform - to deal with pressure without stress.
Al Franken
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I’ve never understood why we would want to deny all the joys - and the challenges - of marriage to anyone. Which is why I think any loving, committed couple — gay or straight — should be able to get married.
Al Franken
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I'm part of the mushball middle. I consider 'confused' the majority position because, thankfully, most people would rather be uncertain some of the time than 100% positive all the time - even when they're wrong.
Al Franken
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I think Hell exists on Earth. It's a psychological state, or it can be a physical state. People who have severe mental illness are in Hell. People who have lost a loved one are in Hell. I think there are all kinds of different hells. It's not a place you go to after you die.
Al Franken
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We need to start by having a conversation about climate change. It would be irresponsible to avoid the issue just because it's uncomfortable to talk about.
Al Franken
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I think if you're going to do a movie about Reagan, you do it about the fact that he created the huge deficit, that he armed the Mujahideen, that he armed Saddam, that he armed Iran, that he armed two-thirds of the Axis of Evil, and that he funded terrorists in Central America. He was, in my mind, a terrible president.
Al Franken
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Yeah, but you need an experienced radio veteran who is a liberal advocate. And there just hadn't been any radio that did that. And so they weren't trained - they had developed all these bad habits of being objective and balanced and stuff like that.
Al Franken
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Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spectrum.
Al Franken
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Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.
Al Franken
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I want to reclaim 'liberal.' I'm a liberal, and I think most Americans are liberals.
Al Franken
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If 98 out of 100 doctors tell me I've got a problem, I should take their advice. And if those two other doctors get paid by Big Snack Food, like certain climate deniers get paid by Big Coal, I shouldn't take their advice.
Al Franken