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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written Today I will masterbate--if I want to!

Al Franken

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Al Franken
Age: 73
Born: 1951
Born: May 21
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Journalist
Politician
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Television Producer
United States Senator
Manhattan borough
New York City
Alan Stuart Franken
Alan Stuart Al Franken
Okay
Mistake
Written
Today

More quotes by Al Franken

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All concluded that Russia did in fact interfere in the 2016 election in order to, quote, help President-elect Trump's election chances when possible by discrediting Secretary Clinton. And the agencies concluded that the Russians had a clear preference for President Trump.
Al Franken
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I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.
Al Franken
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I'm crushed by the responsibility of writing a satirical book.
Al Franken
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Teen pregnancy went way down in the '90s, and 75 percent of it was because of increased use of contraception.
Al Franken
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The Republican agenda is a radical vision in which Medicaid is slashed to the bone - in which we start to balance the budget on the backs of, literally, our most vulnerable citizens.
Al Franken
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Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.
Al Franken
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For 35 years I was a writer. I wrote a lot of jokes. Some of them weren’t funny. Some of them weren’t appropriate. Some of them were downright offensive. I understand that.
Al Franken
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Harvard's Kennedy School of Government asked me to serve as a fellow at its Shorenstein Center on the Press, Politics, and Public Policy. After my varied and celebrated career in television, movies, publishing, and the lucrative world of corporate speaking, being a fellow at Harvard seemed, frankly, like a step down.
Al Franken
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In my first week as a U.S. senator, I had the privilege of participating in the Supreme Court confirmation hearing for Judge Sonia Sotomayor.
Al Franken
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Why don't we focus on what Afghan women can do? They can cook, bear children, and pray. As I recall, that was fine for our grandmothers.
Al Franken
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It's not preppies, cause I'm a preppie myself. I just don't like homosexuals. If you ask me, they're all homosexuals in the Pudding. Hey, I was glad when that Pudding homosexual got killed in Philadelphia.
Al Franken
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When you win an election, what you really win is a chance to go to work for working families who need a voice in Minnesota.
Al Franken
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My spiritual life is... sometimes I have access to it and sometimes I don't. When I do have access to it, it's usually a sense of my understanding what the best course of action or the best thing for me to do. By best, I mean when I have a real sense of doing the right thing and doing good for people and the connected universe of everybody.
Al Franken
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There is - I mean - I found early in life that righteous indignation is a little off-putting, and so I try to couch it with humor.
Al Franken
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I don't consider myself an artist necessarily, but craftsmen or people in the arts, their spiritualism is sort of when you're writing well or performing well or doing whatever you do well, there's an element of that that's either God-given, a talent that you're not necessarily responsible for.
Al Franken
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I'm from the Vietnam generation. I didn't serve.
Al Franken
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Comedy to the Senate? Well, there certainly hasn't been a satirist or a political satirist who's done that. So, that really was uncharted territory during the campaign. But I think it's a good thing. Some people thought that it was an odd career arc, but to me it made absolute sense.
Al Franken
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Demagoguery sells. And therefore, radio stations will put it on. But that doesn't mean that you can't do something else and also make it sell.
Al Franken
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I think Clinton fatigue was a real thing. It's just hard to get comfortable with Gore - it was hard for him to project who he is, the person people know in private.
Al Franken
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If 98 out of 100 doctors tell me I've got a problem, I should take their advice. And if those two other doctors get paid by Big Snack Food, like certain climate deniers get paid by Big Coal, I shouldn't take their advice.
Al Franken