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We found the bathrooms, which were labeled 'Aliens' and 'Femaliens.' 'Finally,' I said to J.Lo. 'Here's a bathroom you're allowed to use.

Adam Rex

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Adam Rex
Age: 51
Born: 1973
Born: May 16
Illustrator
Writer
Dayton
Ohio
Adam Michael Rex
Bathroom
Aliens
Allowed
Finally
Use
Found
Bathrooms
Labeled

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[J.Lo] found us a police car. Sort of. 'It's not a police car,' I said. 'It is,' said J.Lo. 'Looknow. Lights for flashing.' 'That's true.' 'Writing on the sides.' 'Yeah, but the writing? It says ''BullShake Party Patrol.'' Yes. Whatnow?
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I spy, with my little eye, something that starts with ... G. Sausages.
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I've been punched by a vampire, an Indian girl, and a panda... I should be a video game.
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Is there a short-eared koobish, then?' Mmmyes ...' said J.Lo. 'But it is technically not really a koobish. Is more alike a kind of singing pumpkin.' We had conversations like these all the time, where I just eventually gave up.
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You can do terrible things when you don't know who you are.
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The Freemen have 987 levels of membership, the first three of which are achieved merely by filling out an application. The 8th level is granted upon full acceptance into the local lodge, the 13th following Initiation, the 21st at the end of the Initiate's second week, and the 89th the first time he brings snacks.
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They can't expect anyone to actually pay for a shirt that says, 'I (picture of an elephant) the San Diego Zoo.' What does that even mean?
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As far as pets go, a cat is a nice on to have.
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Wherefor are you knowing it? If you stacked all of the Gorg in the galaxy on top of eachother, the Gorg would kill you.
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Magic likes a good tragedy, too.
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There was less than I’d expected in the rainy-day fund that Mom had kept in the bottom of an underwear drawer in a panty hose egg labeled ‘DEAD SPIDERS.’ As if I hadn’t always known it was there. As if I wouldn’t want to look at dead spiders.
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Then it suddenly and theatrically began to clean itself in the way cats do when they want you to know what a big deal you aren't.
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The United States was a big country where everybody wore funny t-shirts and ate too much.
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Can I see some ID? WE DON'T HAVE ID, said Jay, loudly. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. WE DON'T USE ID...THERE. AND THAT'S WHY WE LOOK SO YOUNG. 'CAUSE WE'RE CANADIAN. Doug stiffened. Jay sounded crazy. Doug tried looking extra sane to even things out.
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