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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

Adam Ferrara

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Adam Ferrara
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: February 2
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Queens
New York
Men
Told
Swear
Hear
Sexual
Friends
Ego
Lying
Driven
Funny
Tend
Comes
Gave
Conquests
Money
Lies
Hooker
Back
Humor
Conquest

More quotes by Adam Ferrara

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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
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If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'
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I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'
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I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'
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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.
Adam Ferrara