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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
Adam Ferrara
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Adam Ferrara
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: February 2
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Queens
New York
Talk
Tried
Funny
Guys
Father
Sex
Give
Room
Giving
Humor
Adam
Rooms
Walked
Went
Kiss
Guy
Kissing
More quotes by Adam Ferrara
I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
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I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'
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As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'
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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'
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