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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

Adam Ferrara

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Adam Ferrara
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: February 2
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Queens
New York
Humor
Differences
Religious
Dating
Funny
Broke
Reason
Catholic
Many
Reasons
Devil
Difference

More quotes by Adam Ferrara

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I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.
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I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'
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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'
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What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'
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If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'
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I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.
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