Quote

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

Adam Ferrara

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Adam Ferrara
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: February 2
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Queens
New York
Things
Use
Humor
Keep
Turn
Night
Hear
Light
Middle
Part
Nice
Used
Turns
Peeing
Trying
Water
Bathroom
Make
Funny
Dating

More quotes by Adam Ferrara

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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
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I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'
Adam Ferrara