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I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.
Adam Ferrara
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Adam Ferrara
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: February 2
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Queens
New York
Trying
Water
Bathroom
Make
Funny
Dating
Things
Use
Humor
Keep
Turn
Night
Hear
Light
Middle
Part
Nice
Used
Turns
Peeing
More quotes by Adam Ferrara
I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'
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As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
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I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'
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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'
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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
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I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.
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I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.
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I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'
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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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