Quote

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

Adam Ferrara

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Adam Ferrara
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: February 2
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Queens
New York
Part
Nice
Used
Turns
Peeing
Water
Bathroom
Trying
Funny
Dating
Make
Use
Humor
Things
Keep
Turn
Night
Hear
Light
Middle

More quotes by Adam Ferrara

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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'
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As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'
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I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.
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I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.
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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'
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If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.
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