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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

Adam Ferrara

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Adam Ferrara
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: February 2
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Queens
New York
Mean
Paint
Something
Humor
Thinking
Move
Either
Phrase
Funny
Uses
Moving
Dating
Use
Phrases
Means
Whenever

More quotes by Adam Ferrara

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I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.
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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.
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I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
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The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'
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I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.
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I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'
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I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'
Adam Ferrara