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What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

Adam Ferrara

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Adam Ferrara
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: February 2
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Queens
New York
Never
Humor
Comedy
Hell
Funny
Woman
Going

More quotes by Adam Ferrara

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I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.
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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'
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One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'
Adam Ferrara
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
Adam Ferrara
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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
Adam Ferrara
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'
Adam Ferrara
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If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.
Adam Ferrara
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
Adam Ferrara
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I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.
Adam Ferrara
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.
Adam Ferrara
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
Adam Ferrara
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I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.
Adam Ferrara
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I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'
Adam Ferrara