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What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

Adam Ferrara

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Adam Ferrara
Age: 58
Born: 1966
Born: February 2
Actor
Comedian
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Queens
New York
Going
Never
Humor
Comedy
Hell
Funny
Woman

More quotes by Adam Ferrara

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As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'
Adam Ferrara
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If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.
Adam Ferrara
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.
Adam Ferrara
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.
Adam Ferrara
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I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.
Adam Ferrara
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'
Adam Ferrara
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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
Adam Ferrara
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
Adam Ferrara
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I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.
Adam Ferrara
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
Adam Ferrara
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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'
Adam Ferrara
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'
Adam Ferrara
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I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
Adam Ferrara
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.
Adam Ferrara
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The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
Adam Ferrara
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
Adam Ferrara
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'
Adam Ferrara
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
Adam Ferrara
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
Adam Ferrara
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
Adam Ferrara