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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
Adam Carolla
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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Hand
Common
Sense
Fist
Hands
Fists
Used
Lawyers
Settle
Settling
Lawyer
More quotes by Adam Carolla
To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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Everyone keeps saying, Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating. It's like saying, How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt? I don't care.
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I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it's not a great way to go.
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If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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I'm a comedian, not a politician.
Adam Carolla
I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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When you do television, there's more to do, and when you do new television, there's a lot more to do, especially when you don't have partner. I miss not having that person.
Adam Carolla
I've always boxed, I always taught boxing.
Adam Carolla
Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
Adam Carolla
The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
Adam Carolla
The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
Adam Carolla