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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
Adam Carolla
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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Settle
Settling
Lawyer
Hand
Common
Sense
Fist
Hands
Fists
Used
Lawyers
More quotes by Adam Carolla
Oprah tells women what to read, what to eat, what to think, what to do.
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When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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The thing about a good podcast is you have to have a good host. If you don't have a compelling host then you have nothing.
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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.
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Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.
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I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
Adam Carolla
The Aston Martin is a beautiful car. It's a work of art, I love the interior and the style of the car.
Adam Carolla
It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
Adam Carolla
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
Adam Carolla
Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.
Adam Carolla
Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
Adam Carolla
I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
Adam Carolla
People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.
Adam Carolla
