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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
Adam Carolla
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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Lawyer
Hand
Common
Sense
Fist
Hands
Fists
Used
Lawyers
Settle
Settling
More quotes by Adam Carolla
It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.
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My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.
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There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.
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I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine I just happen to be from that world.
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When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.
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I'd never hurt another person.
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People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.
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Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.
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I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.
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If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.
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