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Welfare is monetary methadone.

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Methadone
Monetary
Welfare

More quotes by Adam Carolla

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There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.
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A lot of guys and people in our society think that chicks just love dudes with money. Chicks love dudes who are successful who happen to have money - do you know what I mean? Chicks are attracted to dudes that are doing their own thing.
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You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.
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If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'
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When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.
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I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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I'd never hurt another person.
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He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.
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You're 28, why are you going to goth clubs? Do what I do, sit at home & wait to die. You don't have to kill yourself, you're just waiting.
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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.
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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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Everyone keeps saying, Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating. It's like saying, How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt? I don't care.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.
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