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Welfare is monetary methadone.

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Methadone
Monetary
Welfare

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I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
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I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.
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That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.
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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!
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It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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Everyone keeps saying, Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating. It's like saying, How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt? I don't care.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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I'm a doofus from the Valley, a blue-collar guy.
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When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.
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I have feelings that are to the right, and I have feelings that land on the left side of the aisle. The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I'm not sure why.
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Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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