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I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Traveler
Sent
Future
Back
Feel
Feels
Time
Like
Annoyed

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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn’t imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I’m gone for six days it feels like too much.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.
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I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.
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My motto is more mystery, less history.
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That's an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone... forever?
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.
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The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
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I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.
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I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
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I'm a comedian, not a politician.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
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Maybe it's weird, but I don't feel in any way, shape or form that I'm taking over his show.
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There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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