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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
Adam Carolla
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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Judge
Smell
Judging
Asking
Someone
Like
Advance
More quotes by Adam Carolla
When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.
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Welfare is monetary methadone.
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Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.
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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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I don't have anything against my mom, but my family has no emotional connection to each other.
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I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.
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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.
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That's the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can't pursue your dream till you're 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.
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Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.
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I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much.
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I'm really just trying to hash out the next two weeks of my life. So, something that is potentially four months down the road is not just a mile down the road for me, it's a million miles down the road.
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No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians I'm just not a reader.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.
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I know everything because I know nothing.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.
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If you're a guy, you have absolutely no idea what's going on at any time in the relationship, ever. Here's what you know: you know when you're getting laid, and you know when it's all over. Those are the only two things you're aware of.
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I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine I just happen to be from that world.
Adam Carolla
