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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
Adam Carolla
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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
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More quotes by Adam Carolla
I have a daughter who I love very much, I hire women, I've worked with women, I've never had an issue with women.
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The reason I hate publicists is because I think if we got rid of them everything would be on equal footing.
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When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.
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I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.
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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.
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No one is depressed when they're being chased by a bear.
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Everyone keeps saying, Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating. It's like saying, How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt? I don't care.
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
Adam Carolla
To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.
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The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.
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I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.
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We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.
Adam Carolla
