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[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
Adam Carolla
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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Months
Equivalent
Poor
Sending
Government
Bags
Giving
Mail
People
Month
Fats
Twice
Welfare
Jumbo
More quotes by Adam Carolla
Welfare is monetary methadone.
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I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.
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Screw guilt -- I could have sex with 10 men and it wouldn't bother me. I'm an atheist!
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians I'm just not a reader.
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We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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If the media isnt slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?
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I'd never hurt another person.
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People who fail, excel at avoiding opportunity.
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If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'
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If you spend your life walking through somebody else's museum, you never find out whether you're Rembrandt or not.
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When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.
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I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
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If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?
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Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.
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You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.
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I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
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I feel like I'm a time traveler from the future who has been sent back to be annoyed.
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I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I'm not interested. I don't care.
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