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Life is just the time between crapping yourself.

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: May 27
American Football Player
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Producer
Journalist
Podcaster
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Television Actor
LA
California
Adam Lakers Carolla
Ace Rockolla
Recycl-A-Rolla
Ace in the Hole
Ace carolla
Carolla
Adam Corrolla
Adam corola
Adam corolla
Adam Carolla
Life
Time

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I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.
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Speaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
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We're all animals, that we all respond to the same stimuli. If you want to motivate somebody not to have premarital sex, or motivate black bears not to go diving into dumpsters, first you have to think about why they do it. Telling them to stop isn't going to help. There has to be some incentive for them to alter their behavior.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.
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I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.
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When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.
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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.
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Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.
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I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine I just happen to be from that world.
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I've never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I've never left behind.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.
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The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.
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When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.
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Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.
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Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.
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No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians I'm just not a reader.
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If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.
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I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.
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It's something I've always kicked around, not doing the eBook but the Rich Man, Poor Man thing.
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